http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz en-gb freelancecopywriting.biz 2009-11-6T00:00:00Z freelancecopywriting.biz http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#52042 Its a whole new world of entertainment 2009-11-6T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#52082 Or at least Im assuming it must have been a chicken driving the Just Egg company van on the M1 today which proudly announced to anyone who cared to listen that they are Manufacturers of Hard Boiled Eggs and Egg Mayonnaise.The egg mayonnaise I can understand but the next time I see a human being successfully manufacture an egg Ill be impressed . . . 2009-11-3T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#52081 Driving down the A1 into London the other day I saw a large banner stretched across the front of a partlyrenovated building emblazoned with the immortal wordsTo let newly refurbished Two Story building.The Three Little Pigs and something from Bob the Builder maybeIf you dont know whats wrong with this look in the dictionary . . . 2009-10-29T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#51284 A couple of gems from eBay discovered whilst looking at the competition when listing a pair of my own shoes for sale1. I guess however late home you are these shoes will always wait for you . . . Stunning Ladies Dune High Heel Shoes in Black Patient Leather2. No wonder she is selling them must have been very uncomfortableSIZE 5 38 DUNE PLATFORM SANDALS WORN ONCE IN BOX 2009-10-24T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#51187 I love my iPhone and I love the App store. But really Apple ought to keep a slightly closer eye on the Apps they approve. Can anyone tell me what this one actually does 2009-10-22T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#51186 Spotted by a friend of mine in a job adDo you come from a field sales background and are you looking for a new exciting opportunity This company are a small to medium growing business that manufacture air ducks amp power tools and need a sales professional to join their team.Im guessing it was supposed to be ducts 2009-9-20T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#48133 Another treat from Tripadvisor in a review about Barcelona Read up on Barcelona prior to going and had concerns about the pickpocketers and back snatching but never had any problems with this at all or felt threatened in the slightest. 2009-9-4T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#48134 In my local pub which I have to say is brilliant the note at the bottom of the menu made us all laugh. Waiter Excuse me do I have an allergy 2009-8-28T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#48136 Seen outside a pub in Brighton. No idea what it was all about Playing Ping Pong with beer glasses maybe 2009-8-20T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#47000 My friend who owns a hotel in Andalucia recently sent me this wonderful translation from a Warranty Card which came with a kettle. It was made in China and the information had been translated into English and Spanish. Im reliably informed that the Spanish wasnt much better either This item is guaranted for THREE YEARS from te date of buy. The guarantee cover all defect of production It is exclude damages dues to bad treatments blows fallen waste caracteristic of the appliance as well as the undue use like professional use This guarantee Hill be canel if the appliance has been manipulated by other person that is not ou technical service In case that we do not have technical service in your area to the final user we Hill send a new similar appliance to the user home whitout any addicional cost always that this inside of the specified term of guarantee and the damage is not produced by some of the suppositions mentioned previously case of cancelation. Love it 2009-8-16T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#47002 I recently returned from a holiday in the lovely town of Banyuls sur Mer which is in the South of France but very close to the Spanish border. Its a great place as is the nearby town of Collioure if you ever get a chance to visit but the restaurants do have a bit of a FrenchSpanish identity crisis. Having said that Im not sure what language this particular restaurant was using as the menu included the following delicacies StartersSop of fishGoasts cheese saladA salad of gizzards lard and eatA salad of warm goat Main CoursesPastries bolognese or Pastries carbonaraMahi mahi mops up the sauce from darling vanillaGazpacho of great in French Gaspacho de Boeuf even I could have managed to translate that oneNet forgery grilled mops up the sauce from Echalotte or peppers green colourSkewers of great also Boeuf see above DessertCarpaccio of fruits of the moment and his balls of iceBut my absolute favourite had to be the option of a pizza topped with fungoid growths. How could you refuse 2009-7-30T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#42412 Tripadvisor is one of my favourite websites and I never book a hotel these days without checking the reviews on there first. But it is also a source of some brilliant misuses of the English language which is of course what this blog is all about They do also have their own blog which you can access at httptripadvisor.typepad.com. This is where they put the reviews that they cannot publish via normal means but anonymously Ill be sending them this one shortly . . . I found this in a reply from the hotel in response to a review where the guest had complained about the layout of a newly refurbished room and the fact that the new furniture was too big and got in the way. Im asuming the response was supposed to refer to the new room layout as being inconvenient. I regret that our new hotel renovations are not to your liking and that you found the room layout incontinent. Brilliant . . . 2009-5-28T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#42106 This is just brilliant from an article in my local paper about an awards event for the car industry. Im sure the word car is missing twice from this paragraph Unless its a whole new type of sales award that Ive never come across before 2009-5-22T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#41971 Seen on the roadside in Glen Coe last week . . . . 2009-5-20T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#41969 Saw this outside the ladies loo in a Chinese restaurant. The picture of the man makes it even more interesting and as to what he is doing exactly well I have no idea 2009-5-10T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#41171 Ive recently discovered the wonders of Freecycle which is brilliant. Not only because you can get rid of unwanted stuff and acquire new stuff that other people no longer need but also because the range of excellent spelling and grammar errors is quite stunning. This is my favourite so far . . . from someone who was giving away two plastic petrol cans If any one needs one in case they run out of petrol or for the petrol mower or strimmer i have 2 spare with pooring nosles one is red and one is green. I THINK he meant pouring nozzles . . . 2009-5-6T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#40269 Everyone seems to be talking about Twitter at the moment. I had a quick look the other day but couldnt really see what all the fuss is about. However I did find this brilliant post by someone who I THINK was advocating the benefits of BLOGging 2009-4-21T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#40268 We all get them. The slightly odd sales emails offering us everything from electronic gadgets to er performance enhancing drugs Surely the people who send these must realise that they dont work Come on guys if you must send a junk email and if English is not your first language PLEASE at least take the time to get someone to write it properly for you and pay just a little attention to grammar and spelling . . . This is one of my favourites from recent weeks. Especially the price which is a surprising happiness New Horizoni would like to introduce a good company who trades mainly in electornic products.Now the company is under sales promotionall the products are sold nearly at its cost.They provide the best service to customersthey provide you with original products of good qualityand what is morethe price is a surprising happiness to youIt is realy a good chance for shopping.just grasp the opportunityNow or never 2009-4-5T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#38716 Sent to me recently by an industry colleague who is currently working in Asia. Im reliably informed that the pronunciation is GOFOOKOO . . . honest 2009-3-22T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#38392 Ive just received a four page A5 leaflet through the door advertising a takeaway food company with possibly the most interesting array of errors Ive ever seen in one place DrinksBottle of coke 1.5 ltd. Pizza toppings including Peperonni JelepenoSalat Dressing Salamy Balcon KebabFresh tomato anchovies Bolognesse meat sauce and spaghetti on a pizza And not forgetting of course the stuffed edge surcharges . . . Other itemsBurgers served with fresh salad and sausesChicken nouggetsDoner kebab with beaf pitta bread and sauseChicken salad with letiseTuna salad with letuceChicken or mutton Briyani And for desert . . . not dessert Haagen Dazz Tenesse Toffee Pie Or wait for it . . . Chocolate Banana Caka Yummy 2009-3-19T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#38247 Continuing in a similar theme from the last entry . . . on a Royal Caribbean cruise a couple of years ago we visited the lovely little village of VillefranchesurMer on the C244te dAzur. Because its a small place the ship cannot dock right in the harbour so we were taken to shore in smaller boats that they call tenders. The sign above the life jackets certainly raised a laugh or two 2009-3-16T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#38250 I found this sign in the gift shop at La For234t des Singes thats the Monkey Forest to you and me in the Dordogne France. What they were actually selling was little furry monkeys with long arms and legs and magnetic hands and feet which I think were meant to be used as a fridge magnets or something like that. But what this name was supposed to mean I have NO idea . . . 2009-3-12T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#38192 I use the Royal Mails online postage printing service which is absolutely brilliant and I highly recommend it. However after trying to log in to my account the other day I was rather worried to receive this message especially as on the Customer Service page it states Got a question Need some help Were here to tell you everything you need to know. Just ask. 2009-3-6T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#38191 A few gems from a trip to Barcelona last Summer . . . no additional humorous comments required Starters Wild salad with hopeful orange pilgrims scallops to the gridiron and fruits of the passion Traditional gazpacho to the Andalusian one with his hashes and toast Foie Grass with caramelized fruits cream of hopeful onion and his toast Main course Attacked of prawns and vegetables of the season to the style thai accompanied of rice jazmine Iberian sirloin to the strogonoff with potatoes gratinee Bee fillet with sauteed beepers and mash of tomato accompanied of onion and hopeful zucchinis and cord of wild asparagus Dessert Fondant of chocolate and ice cream of sweet of milk Tart of cheese with on fund of mash of raspberry ice cream of vanilla and branches of black chocolate Salad of exotic fruit with New York hoists cream it skims off of white chocolate 2009-3-2T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#36684 I spotted this sign in a subway station in New York last weekend. The signmaker had obviously been a bit too keen with the stickon letters 2009-2-15T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#36681 Ive always been amused by the fact that some people really dont think about what they are actually writing when including acronyms in text. The classic is the very common reference to the PIN number which of course literally means a personal identification number number. So youll see why I found this headline in one of the well known womens gossip rags especially entertaining. Now who else is going to do it yourself for you 2009-1-20T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#33957 My festive blog entry for 2008 . . . The marketing men at Tesco must have been trying to save a few quid by using up some left over hangers and labels unless one size of reindeer really does fit all Merry Christmas 2008-12-18T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#33954 I suppose its fair to say that your perception of what constitutes a bargain relates not only to what the item is and how much youre prepared to pay for it but also to how much of the folding stuff you have stashed away in the bank. But this little gem made me laugh on two counts. Firstly the presentation which was more two for one at Tesco this Friday and secondly because I challenge anyone to see 150 Euro for a pair of shoes which right now is not far off 163150 from a fairly averagelooking backstreet shop as anything remotely close to an offre exceptionelle unless its meant to be exceptionally bad of course Or am I just out of date Or scrooge Or a complete fashion victim who obviously shops in Primark Sacre bleu Talking of which whilst in Paris I also came across this lovely poster in a clothes shop window on the Champs Elysees. The name was funny enough but the strapline really made it perfect 2008-12-6T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#32164 On a recent trip to France I saw these two wonderfullynamed establishments. Firstly a shoe repairkey cutting type shop I guess what would be the French equivalent of Timpsons which I presume was trying to indicate a high level of Service and then a ladies clothes shop but Im not sure what type of ladies they were trying to appeal to 2008-11-10T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#32161 I was shopping for a friends birthday present in John Lewis recently and I found this really nice gift bag from the quite expensive Philosophy range. They use philosophical quotes and comments on their packaging but I had to smile at this. Its a screenprinted wash bag not just a packaging item not that this would have made it acceptable and right there in pink and white was a glaring spelling mistake. The picture is not brilliant so if you cant see it its the word meditation 7th line which has somehow come out spelled meditiaion.Youd really think that SOMEONE would have spotted that before it made it to the high street . . . 2008-10-20T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#29437 One of my clients found this gem the other day listed by someone who was selling a set of GHD hair straighteners . . . . Sleep mode enables you to be carless on a night out as now if you leave them on they will switch off automaticly. So whether Im careless or carless on a night out either way my GHDs will get me out of trouble every time 2008-9-8T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#29438 I have no idea eactly what they were trying to describe here but it just goes to prove that you dont have to go abroad to see some great strangulations of the English language This picture was taken in Dorset outside an upmarket fish amp chip shop . . . 2008-9-2T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#29439 Found by a swimming pool in Toledo just south of Madrid. So do it in the changing rooms we must 2008-8-20T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#29436 I was looking at a website today for a company that offers green car rental e.g. cars with low emissions etc. Sounds great and I hope its a success. But they really need to tighten up on their marketing blurb if theyre going to be taken seriously. Firstly on the page with details of the rental conditions I found that one of their key benefits is unlimited mileage maximum 200 miles per day and then in a section on educating the drivers of tomorrow I discovered that if you like they will come and talk to students in your local school or collage. Now Im sure there were never any students in the eggbox and tissue paper creations which my son used to bring home from nursery 2008-8-4T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#27120 Im in the process of buying a new car and so I had a look at some review sites on the net. This classic line from a gentleman whose first language quite obviously wasnt English really made me laugh . . . Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 Style Definitions table.MsoNormalTable msostylenameTable Normal msotstylerowbandsize0 msotstylecolbandsize0 msostylenoshowyes msostyleparent msopaddingalt0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt msoparamargin0cm msoparamarginbottom.0001pt msopaginationwidoworphan fontsize10.0pt fontfamilyTimes New Roman msoansilanguage0400 msofareastlanguage0400 msobidilanguage0400 I recomed this car especialy to young boys who loves fast riding for equal price. 2008-7-11T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#27119 This pub offers such great service they even cut the food up for you 2008-7-5T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#26004 One of my industry colleagues wrote this in his weekly comment to the telecoms fraternity. I thought it was great so have included it here. I was on the way back from the school run last Thursday morning in a queue of traffic behind a very smart looking white van. It was all polished up and the sign writing on the back indicated that the driver was a certain Dennis OFarrell plumber of said parish. Ok so it was a nicely turned out van but Well I happened to notice below Dennis home and mobile phone numbers written on the back his web site address and the anorak in me screamed Hey dude check that one out when you get home. So I did. It turns out that Denis and I are pretty much on the same wavelength when it comes to using the most appropriate form of communication for the job in hand. Imagine. You are up to your ankles in water from a leak in the loft that is cascading down the stairs in a very passable interpretation of Niagara Falls. No problem you say to your... 2008-6-25T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#26017 Sent to me by an industry colleague who travels around Asia on business 2008-6-22T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#25805 Found on one of those high speed property sale websites that are springing up all over the place If necessary we can complete on the purchase of your property within 28 days although under normal circumstances purchases are completed within four weeks. Tough decision now which should I aim for 2008-6-19T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#25808 I was in London at the weekend and we decided to have a curry. There were two Indian restaurants on either side of the street neither of which we had been to before and both of which looked pretty similar. We chose the one with this sign in the window which also happened to be the one with the most people in and we werent disappointed. Now why cant more companies be like that Can you imagine BT working to the same ethos 2008-6-14T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#25427 Now I dont know about you but the last I heard mankind still hadnt worked out how to predict the weather with any kind of accuracy. Which makes this instruction on the back of a bottle of weedkiller a little pointless wouldnt you say Do not use before heavy rain 2008-6-11T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#25426 I had to leave my bag in a London hotel luggage room the other day and was amused by the sign on the light switch inside . . . The temptation to turn it and see what happened was huge 2008-6-3T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#24550 Simple just cancel the booking after you leave I found this on one of the many discount hotel booking sites Reservations for Radisson SAS Portman have to be cancelled 12 hours maximum after arrival date. Could be a bargain . . . arrive at 10pm leave at 8am and then call to cancel perfect 2008-5-14T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#23696 I saw this great sign in Next seems like you can buy anything in shops these days o 2008-5-2T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#23190 Some more of my favourite menu mistranslations from a recent trip to Northern France. These were all listed as individual items on a salad menu . . . GingerbreadSalad of the chiefGreedy slice of breadWay bruchettaBread rubbed with garlic covered with goats milk cheese sectionsThin straps of gruyeresSeasoned nuts of a mayonnaise keyShandy of hard eggsCubes of celebrated powdered with grass of Provence ehBreast green apple Put them all together and what have you got A complete mystery I should think 2008-4-22T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#23191 Im in the process of booking a holiday and some of the translations on hotels websites are laughoutloud funny. Here is a gem from Turkey . . . First the leisure activities The hotel disposes conversation centers of a fantastic Is boring doesnt give. You can spend lovely hours with your friends here. Bowling Billiard Dart it is what for everybody You get natural also at ours Strike Bar provided with drinks. Enjoy conversation purely Then the local places of interest Titreyeng246l the trembling lake is on 3000 sqm. 22 hotel plants are located in this village with a capacity of approx. 18000 beds. Several species of bird and even also Beijing ducks live it in this village. And lastly the Turkish bath The Turkish bath Hamam is a special experience. You let your soul dangle and enjoy you after an eventful day a good massage or a visit in the sauna Jacuzzi by the hour Hamam Turkish bath Sauna Massages e.g. Foam massage Thai massage Foot reflex massageCosmetics studio... 2008-4-7T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#22160 Just found this on a website about a gorilla tracking holiday in Rwanda . . . This large lodge located close to the PNV headquarters offers clean and comfortable rooms nestling under a grove of large eucalyptus trees each with their own private bathroom. Now those must be some serious back to nature facilities 2008-3-31T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#21267 I came across this years ago but had forgotten about it until I was chatting so someone yesterday about the move to Ban the Apostrophe. www.apostrophe.fsnet.co.uk If youre ever unsure about how to use an apostrophe this is the place to go in order to find out This might help too . . . sorry the image quality is not better. 2008-3-13T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#21238 Received by one of my business associates in an email from an industry colleague A new quality control process has been put in place to ensure that typos and grammatical errors are not present when you come to publish the completed surveys. If you cant spot the error scroll down and have a look at my post entitled Punctuation Soap Box . . . 2008-3-12T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#21141 I went to Spain at the weekend to my friends hotel see my Useful Links page or visit www.cortijovalverde.com its fab. We flew with Monarch and I found this brilliant quote in their inflight magazine. It was an article on developments at various UK airports and how new technology was making life easier for passengers. Advances in technology at Birmingham Airport have also enabled the launch of CUSS Common Use Self Service kiosks. So in addition to online checkin you can now also avoid the queues at the airport by checking in via CUSS. Can you imagine it I want to bloody well check in and I want to do it right fg now Its hard to believe its not an April fool joke. And just a little extra thing to make you smile in a sunny pavement cafe in the Andalucian town of Antequera your lunch wouldnt be complete without . . . Enjoy 2008-3-10T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#20840 Talk to me I know people are reading this but Im not getting comments or many emails with other gems to add. You must come across them. Please take a moment to email me at gillfreelancecopywriting.biz. Interestingly the only comment I have had in response to one of these posts was to tell me about a typo. Funny how people take the time to mention negatives but not positives. Possibly a lesson for all of us including me . . . 2008-3-4T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#20839 OK Im going offtopic a bit here but this one really astounded me Ive been having all sorts of problems with my mobile phone. It keeps switching off midcall and Ive had four new handsets and a replacement sim card. I finally got them to agree to replacing the handset for a different model after a hour of heated discussion in the shop and was told the new one would arrive in five to 10 working days. It was no surprise to me at all that after 10 days I had not heard anything so I went back into the shop. Oh it came in days ago they said. We tried to call you but couldnt get hold of you. You dont have an answering machine. Further investigation revealed that they had called my home number and when they did not get a reply they just left it. Lets think about this its a mobile phone shop they provided my mobile phone and my mobile phone number which is on their system. And youre telling me that nobody thought to try calling me on my mobile phone Especially when I was obviously a very unha... 2008-3-3T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#20838 I saw this sign pinned up in a coffee shop the other day. I think what they were trying to say is that food which was not bought there could not be eaten on the premises but someone had stuck another notice over the top half which meant that the remaining visible sign read very differently exactly the opposite in fact 2008-2-29T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#20829 A sentence which kind of makes sense. You know what they are getting at but its somehow not quite right Here are a couple of gems . . . Sign in a fruit and veg shop Please refrain your children from playing with the fruit Im thinking it should have been Please restrain your children from . . . or maybe Please make sure that your children refrain from . . . And then there was the sign in a discount clothing warehouse Please do not try on the underwear for hygienic reasons Which I guess should have been . . . for reasons of hygiene. I may also be giving them too much credit for spelling hygienic correctly but I cant quite remember if they did or not. To be fair though it is one of the commonest misspellings there is 2008-2-26T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#19859 Mashed boiled or pureed I wonder Either way they could be pretty revolting to put your feet in . . . Womens size 6 swede boots . . . And I wont even mention the missing apostrophe . . . well maybe just this once 2008-2-13T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#19658 Ive always thought about this when Im typing an email really quickly and I find Ive typed not instead of now. Just that one letter can completely change the meaning of the whole message. The product is NOW availableNOT available or we are NOW willingNOT willing to discuss the matter. Wars could start over less I was reminded of this when reading a copy of a trade magazine for the telecoms industry naming no names but it was the larger format of the two you know who you are. There was an interview with a new and very senior staff member of a major manufacturer who had commented that the marketplace is increasingly focused on the exciting areas of Unified Communications and Convergence. These are two key areas in the telecoms world by the way for those of you who are not from the industry However given their importance it was a little worrying to see that the person who had typed the article be it an artworker or the original writer had managed to miss the c out of exciting. So these tw... 2008-2-7T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#19714 Found in a restaurant menu in Villefranche South of France near Nice. The French version read . . . Salade Chevre ChaudSalade tomate pignons croutons fromage de chevre Now bearing in mind that pignons are pine nuts the English translation read . . . Hot Goat Cheese SaladSalad tomato cogs sprockets croutons goats milk cheese Better watch out for your teeth when eating one of those 2008-2-4T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#19419 Given that public toilets are often referred to as a public conveniences I thought this sign was very clever although probably not intentionally so 2008-2-1T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#19381 Received in a confirmation email from a Spanish hotel . . . We cater for a wide range of dietary requirements including diabetic and glutton free No good for me then 2008-1-31T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#19405 Lets get this straight once and for all. YOU DO NOT NEED AN APOSTROPHE ON A PLURAL OK now Ive got that off my chest let me explain. In the majority of cases people get it right when it comes to plurals though you do see the odd sign for bananas in a fruit shop or televisions in an electrical shop. The problem comes with numbers and two or three letter abbreviations. Hence the title of this post part of which I saw on a low cost airlines website the other day as follows 100s of 1000s of cheap flights on offer Ive also seen something similar in Tesco which has signs in the electrical department selling TVs and CDs or in email messages from suppliers telling me that the PDFs are attached. Let me say it again. YOU DO NOT NEED AN APOSTROPHE ON A PLURAL. And that is the rule regardless of whether the word is abbreviated or shown as a number or not. Take these examples which most people would get right if the word was written in full . . . hundreds not hundredsthousands not thousandstele... 2008-1-31T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#19244 As the iceskating judges would say 8 out of 10 for artistic impression but 1 out of 10 for technical merit Im afraid 2008-1-28T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#19139 Sometimes a company name explains clearly what you do and sometimes it doesnt. So the easiest thing is to add an explanatory strapline to support it as many companies do. But if you get that wrong you can just end up confusing people even more. Heres a classic . . . I received a leaflet through the door from a company called The Wallshield Group which gives you an idea about what they do already. In a nutshell they apply a specialist exterior coating to your house walls which lasts for years and protects against weathering and so on. The leaflet was quite neatly produced and the copywriting was reasonably coherent and gramatically correct. Which makes it even more bizarre that the strapline they use under the name at the top reads as follows Specialists in the application of domestic and industrial properties So let me get this right. Youre going to take my domestic property and apply it to what exactly 2008-1-25T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#19043 I found this beautifully amateur advert in a magazine called What Laptop the other day. Though you cant really expect much from a magazine whose name is that grammatically incorrect. Im sure it should be What Laptop or even better Which Laptop but thats another conversation entirely Apologies if anyone from Laptop Parts is reading this . . . but these were my favourite bits of your advert Hardrives Lapotop keyboards and New web site now on line tell me where else would it be And lastly there were two web addresses on the advert one of which was www.pcupgrade.co.uk. Im wondering if you might find pictures of women there with VERY large er assets 2008-1-23T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#19042 John Lewis is one of my favourite stores. I love the range of products and the quality of the customer service but this description on their website made me laugh. A classic case of where someone tries to give you lots of information and be very helpful but simply ends up in confusing the customer even more. I was looking for a new fridge freezer and the number and size of freezer drawers was quite important as Ive never been happy with my existing ones so I was reading the descriptions very carefully when I came across this Freezer has three drawers two full width and one half depth. Whch kind of makes sense until you really think about it . . . Is the half depth one full width as well Are the full width ones full depth or half depth or somewhere in between and what does full depth mean anyway Or is the half depth one they refer to one of the full width ones in which case we know nothing about the third drawer Or is . . . hmmm . . . I give up And while Im on the subject of drawe... 2008-1-21T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#19444 There are millions of examples of wonderful mistranslations all over the world so I thought Id save only the very best for my website. This is a sign I found stuck to the inside of a loo door in a restaurant in Albufeira Portugal a few years ago. I was so brilliant I had to steal it and photograph it 2008-1-20T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#18848 Do you remember all those ads on TV for the Mint card The one with the rounded corner. Their strapline is You need a seriously good reason not to. And Ive found it. In my local train station theres a ticket machine which saves you standing in the enormous queue but it has a note stuck on the front which reads Please do not put Mint cards in this machine as they get stuck. Which would be a bit of a bugger at 7.30am on a cold and wet January morning if you had an urgent meeting in London there was a massive queue and you only had a Mint card with you Hmm wonder if anyone has told their marketing department 2008-1-18T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#18737 The brief Write a local newspaper advert for a car rental company to help them rent cabriolets in the Winter. The offer Rent one for two days in the Winter and get a free days rental in the Summer. The concept Hello Mr Eskimo would you like to buy some snowFollowed by an intro paragraph which likens this hard sell to renting out cabriolets in Winter. I loved it.My client contact loved it.The corporate marketing team rejected it . . . Why Because the term Eskimo is politically incorrect and we should use the term Inuit apparently. Now tell me exactly HOW many Eskimos are we going to offend in Milton Keynes 2008-1-16T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#18646 I love a good typo and this is a classic. In my local petrol station today right by the till in preparation for Valentines I presume sat a big heap of very lovely fluffy teddies holding hearts that said I Love You on them. And right underneath a notsolovely and obviously wordprocessedandphotocopied sign which read 1635.99 I LOVE YOU TEDDY BEERS Sounds great So wheres the beer then 2008-1-15T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#18593 I was in one of those fancy coffee shops the other day that sells a million types of flavoured coffees. Basically you buy the normal one and then have an extra shot of syrup to make it taste of hazlenut or gingerbread or whatever takes your fancy. They had a blackboard behind the counter with a long list of coffees on it and then at the bottom a note which said Extra shot 50p Except someone has rubbed the upright or ascender as they call it in typographyspeak off the h on the word shot which my 13 year old son thought was hysterical. You work it out . . . 2008-1-14T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#18587 Amongst many other things eBay is one of the most the most wonderful sources of dodgy grammar anywhere in the world. This is my latest favourite . . . Double Bed Mattress with DrawersSounds uncomfortable Bet the drawer corners dig in . . . Has a gold plated headrest worn in places A bargain at twenty quid then . . . This item has been used. Would be great for first time home buyer. This item is buyer collect. This bed also has 4 compartment 2 on eash side. Please fill free to make offers . . . 2008-1-13T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#18489 I went to see Chris Rock last night. Hes a black Americal standup comedian if youve not heard of him and very funny But its something that his support act Mario Joyner said which really struck a chord. He was talking about mobile phones which as I spend vast amounts of time on mine and also do alot of work in the comms industry was especially relevant. His argument was that we are far too willing to accept bad service. As in phone reception not customer service. As he put it if you were in a restaurant and the food had no taste can you imagine the waiter saying Im sorry Im afraid theres no taste in that corner were not sure why we think it bounces off the walls or something. I can try moving you to another table but I cant promise it will be any better. We will happily move around to try to find a better signal as if this was totally acceptable. As Mario said it seems that the phone companies invent phrases to explain their dodgy service and then WE pick them up and use them tell... 2008-1-11T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#18485 The UK comedy industry would never have survived without them especially Carry On films Weve all done it sometimes intentionally and sometimes not as my friend found out the other day when we were in Nandos. Having ordered a chicken platter for herself and two of her kids aged 13 and 15 she said across the table in a loud voice . . . Ill have the legs and you boys can have a breast each Cue much sniggering all round Though I still think a recent accidental one of mine takes the biscuit. Picture the scene. Youre in a business meeting with a new client discussing a letter to launch a referrals programme. Youre talking about what to offer as the incentive and he suggests a bottle of champagne. So what do you do You say this of course Why not make it a magnum I always find that something that is bigger than the norm bigger than you were expecting is always more impressive. And then you realise what youve said and try to keep a straight face Taxiiiiiiiii . . . . . 2008-1-10T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#18390 This just goes to prove that even a marketleading brand like Marks amp Spencer doesnt pay as much attention to detail as they really should when it comes to punctuation. Or at last they try but theyre not always consistent. The rule is that if youre referring to something which belongs to someone or something then you should include an apostrophe. E.g. Freds hat the hat belongs to Fred not Freds hat . . . So when I stood in the food section the other day it was interesting to see that they were selling side by side goats cheese and goats cheese. Im guessing different packaging design agencies were involved. Its a little matter in the general scheme of things I know but someone at MampS really should be on the ball. Or am I just being FAR too picky 2008-1-9T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#18354 If only that were true OK so this post is something a bit different but it relates to marketing and customer communication and is definitely another one of my soapbox issues. At the weekend I went bowling with my partner and our kids. We wanted to order some drinks so we pressed that wonderful little button that they have on some of the lanes nowadays and a waiter miraculously appeared. I ordered a Jack Daniels and diet coke anyone who reads this and knows me well will not be surprised by that and a vodka and coke but asked for them to be in tall glasses with lots of coke. Away went the guy coming back five minutes later with two very small glasses like they serve late at night in nightclubs when they want you to drink more. When I pointed out that Id asked for tall glasses and extra coke his response was . . . . . . wait for it . . . Im sorry I did ask but this is how they come. Excuse me As my boyfriend pointed out does that mean they buy them ready made up in the glass and ... 2008-1-8T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#18318 Is it just me that gets infuriated by misuse of apostrophes If its not the absence of one when referring to something that belongs to someone Freds hat then its the inclusion of one that simply shouldnt be there. The other day I was taking some photographs of a distribution warehouse for a client and they had hundreds of kids sleepsuits on a rail all with Tigger and Pooh Bear embroidered on the front . . . like this . . . Best Friends what Someone at Disney or George at Asda really should have spotted that one before they made it out of the factory 2008-1-7T00:00:00Z http://www.freelancecopywriting.biz/page16.htm#18304 I thought I would include a Blog page in this website so that I can keep you updated with all of the bizarre and ridiculous things that people do with the English language. Like the sign in a bed shop I saw recently which read In Stock Now and then in smaller letters underneath . . . While stocks last. No really Anyway Id be very keen to hear from anyone who has experienced such similar misuses of the Queens English so email gillfreelancecopywriting.biz and let me know what you find 2008-1-6T00:00:00Z